Journals of a Heradus
by Ami Quinton26
Summary: Goliathus' POV. The thoughts and musings of a troubled creature's mind....written down. Rated M for possible future chapters. Reviews will determine whether or not this will continue.


Just a little idea I decided to submit for the fun of it...while I take a break from the main story. This is actually an edited tidbit that I wrote years ago....I wanted to do an actual whole journal series for Goliathus, filled with his daily thoughts. This is just one of the pages, I think the first. And if it sometimes doesn't make sense or bounces around.....this is because Goliathus has a very troubled mind. Again, I suggest you read my other stories for this to make sense. (He does not date his entries, either. If I submit more entries, I'll go by page number.)

You should read it slowly, as if you are going along with the long pauses in Goliathus' thoughts.

That is all.

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_A diary. Interesting. What should I write here?_

_What the hell does a heradus have to write about?_

_Eating?_

_Hmm.....well all right, then. Perhaps that is one thing I can write about. _

_Where to start?_

_Yesterday.....hm. Found a pregnant doe. It was rather fascinating, to slice her open, and find another living creature inside. That one was tender. VERY tender._

_Well. _*huffs*_ That just made me hungry now. Perfect. I hunger every other hour._

_The Hunger. Sometimes part of me, sometimes not. It is a gigantic blend of both physical and metaphysical...I hunger as a human does for their "normal" food, but I also hunger when there seems to be no reason for it. _

_I do not wish to name what it is._

_I __**never**__ like to think that word._

*growls*

_Stupid....foolish. Why write things down? Stupid human games. I have no time for human games. I am bored very often....by the little pathetic whims of humans. I hate them so very much. _

_Not ALL of them, I suppose.....but almost._

_All right, I have to admit to myself. I like women. Sometimes. Mostly._

_When they are not annoying me. _

_Men however. _*bares teeth, gripping the pencil tighter* _It is not so much a gender issue. It is just that men are far more evil to me. They tortured and scorned me. Laughed as I screamed. _

_They showed no mercy when I begged._

_I became so hateful, that I learned to show no mercy myself. I did everything I could to make THEM scream, like pitiful, whining puppies._

*the pencil snaps in half. After a long moment, he finally reaches for another one on his desk*

_There are bad thoughts. Ami would be displeased with me for such dark thoughts._

_She understands....she forgives me for them, but why do I still feel guilt?_

_I do NOT feel guilt. Not about the men who tortured me. I do not regret killing them painfully._

_Why should I?!_

_I will __**NOT**__ let those feelings go!!!_

_Ami. Should I erase that paragraph? She would be most displeased._

_I long to taste her. I do not want to eat her, the thought actually sickens me. She is not for eating. She is a sweet and giving creature. _

_I loathe to call her human, but she IS one. I wish sometimes...that she were heradus. Could I love her more then?_

_Love. Something I have learned recently. I do not know if I want it there, plaguing my heart. I do and I do not. I want to keep hating....hating everything._

_But she does not let me._

_And I do not want to hate her. Not any more._

_She would care about me even when my talons are stained with human blood._

_I killed a few times while here. _

_I was forgiven.....by her. All the others hated me more....some regretted being there......but not Ami._

_She loves me._

_Why would a human love a heradus? I cannot understand this. _

_But she understands. In so many ways, she is not like a human. I can see past her form, and see what she really is. Most humans are nothing within._

_She is light. A way for my mind to find a path, as without her, I still wander in darkness.....so pitch black that I cannot see anything....I only remain lost._

_It frightens me. I fear almost nothing, except for that blackness. Help me, Ami. Why does it talk to me? I do not want to hear its voice. That vile blackness that is always whispering in the back of my mind. It controlled me for so many centuries. This is why I am here. This is why I have accepted your bargain....to remain here in exchange for your help._

_Nothing else humans have offered me had ever mattered in the slightest. I saw something different in you, and it boiled to rage at first. I did not want to believe that I could be helped. I wanted to kill you and silence you, but a small part of me did not._

_That part of me has grown now._

_Peh. Here I am still writing._

_I suppose this journal was not such a bad idea after all. _

_"Therapy", as she called it._

_I suppose._

_We shall see how my thoughts will manifest on these pages tomorrow. In the meantime, these walls need more art._

_I am tired of looking at the void of their monochrome color._

_Dragons. Yes, those will do nicely._

_She likes dragons._

_I remind her of one._


End file.
